Anyone who has been shocked by their partner filing for divorce will often say they didn’t see it coming.
But relationship experts say there are certain habits that may well be forcing your partner to consider a divorce.
According to relationship experts India Kang and Ar’nie Krogh, men and women who don’t make enough time for sex, try to control their lover and don’t respect their boundaries are setting themselves up for divorce.
Here, they reveal the habits you need to drop to keep the romance alive. +1
Complaining, whining and constantly finding things to criticise: This will destroy rather than build your marriage. When you’re constantly complaining, what you’re actually saying is that you’re not happy. Don’t focus on what’s wrong, instead focus on what’s right.
Withholding sex: Love Coach Ar’nie Krogh explains that although sex should not be the basis to any successful marriage, not physically showing your partner how much you love them may knock their confidence. Also using sex as a weapon by withholding intimacy after an argument, will make it seem like something they have to work for, that you don’t enjoy.
Prioritising others: When other things become more important, such as family, friends, careers, and personal pursuits, your marriage may start to wobble. Make your relationship your top priority by putting each other first before everything else. Your marriage will thank you for it.
Badmouthing each other to others: Don’t badmouth each other to your family and friends. Of course, we need to live in the realms of reality, and there will be times when you need to let off steam. In this instance, find one trusted friend who is preferably married and vent to him/her.
Trying to control each other: Don’t tell each other what to eat, wear, say, act or dress. In fact, don’t try and control your partner. Firstly you can’t, and secondly it will lead to resentment. If you don’t want to divorce, stay accountable and take responsibility for the part you play in the relationship – good or bad.
Not keeping up your own interests: Whether it’s your weekly exercise class, or your regular catch up with friends, keep it up. No one person can fulfill all your social, emotional and psychological needs. Don’t neglect your own self-care and don’t stop doing the things which bring you joy.
Not respecting partner’s boundaries: Ar’nie Krogh believes that it’s actually not about the habit so much as not respecting your partner’s boundaries. She claims all habits are tolerable until it crosses one person’s boundaries. Not liking to shower everyday? Not a problem. Until your partner has to mention how much you smell. And then having to repeat this after every three days.
According to Ar’nie lots of bad habits can be forgiven in the honeymoon period of a relationship, yet many of these habits that start off endearing can become annoying. She claims if we realise that our partner’s habit is getting irritating, then it’s time to have a good chat with them. Maybe they don’t realise that it is annoying you.
Not having manners: Just because we share the same bed, doesn’t allow us to stop having manners in the privacy of our home. Being able to constantly say thank you and please when our partners do something nice for us show our appreciation of their sincere effort to make us happy.
Sulking: When something goes wrong between two adults, the best course of action is not to ignore it and sulk away in a corner. Experts believe the best course of action is to take a deep breath, put aside that ego and start talking. She explains that communication is the key to take that wedge away.